There is no such thing as a grey area!

Last minute decisions are always a culmination of great ideas, rash decisions, visions of grandeur and an upwelling of self indulgent passions! So whenever I make one of these decisions its always bumper to bumper with another one... the last is always the one I actually go for!
Last week was a bag full of these crammed into hurried lunches, leisurely walks, frantic runs and a lot of writing! A lot is actually an understatement!

I think I pulled in every resource and in the know person I could think of and sifted through all of there heads to try and derive the right answer. This was actually 2/3rds of the fun I think. I felt like I was writing and existential article about myself and researching myself through there opinions and view points on me, my decision and my ideas. I have really great influences in my life was just a sideline thought whilst doing this.

So all said and done, what I have settled on is what I am actually most passionate about: photography! Lets see how far I can take it!

Post script: You know - you know - you know! Just listen. ;)

The world... unto me?!!! Cheers!

I went to fetch my prospectus today! I have one week left to hand it in! OMG!
I find that rather appropriate to the pending situation though... here I am at yet another cross road with a gun held to my head... but fittingly, as usual, its me holding it and playing this rather ridiculous game of psuedo Russian Roulette with myself!

I may as well walk around everyday with a tape recorder strapped to myself with my own voice on repeat saying: "Dance monkey, dance!" in some sort of conspicuously neon circus suit!
It felt really good walking around those crayony smelling design studios! I'm craving that sort of stimulation! I know I should be going into the working environment to get my fix... but something is luring me there so intensely I cant actually deny myself the experience!

What I find so great is that everything we will work on is actaully real, all of the prjects are from actual brands, companies, clients etc. So in effect you are in the real industry... I want my brain to wrap itself around that way of thinking I want to develop and hone my own edge... and all this because of one focus group! Yes! The seed was planted and just like India one day with noo I will embark on this creative journey too.

I see nothing but bright green lights ahead of me, and a bigger more beautiful bow on my lapel as I add one more colourful string to it... I decided a long time ago that I never wanted to stop learning... I guess I just never really saw myself here again so soon!

Post script: To the future of dynamo Jack! Cheers!

Oh the fantastical possibilities a walk by the sea brings...

I had the most satisfying stroll this morning, I left the house tired and jaded with the hopes of trying to clear my head and revitalise my soul, and returned: inspired, invigorated and re directed! Hows that for a successful little Sunday outing?

I like to give this time of year the term: "Silly Season" - as my brother says. It has actually gotten to the point where I have to literally leave the city bowl for fear of having to go out AGAIN! There has honestly been 2 to 3 social engagements every single night for the last three weeks and I, being the relentless social butterfly that I tend to be sometimes have fallen prey to almost all of them! Well it doesn't help that my whole group has to - and they all know where I live!

Luckily for me I have a little retreat to escape to, far far away in the land of fynbos and hippies and fresh sea air! This morning, however, was particularly successful. Whilst meandering through the blushing nursery and snaking through the brightly coloured bathing boxes along the seashore I decided that I'm not finished being a pupil. There is so much more that I need to learn. I looked around me at all of the contented basking bellies on the beach front and it steadily dawned on me that I am, as usual, not entirely satisfied and therefor need to delve deeper in this eternal conquest of self actualization and enlightenment!

I think it was a combination of the raw sea breeze and the incredibly large wave that drenched me by surprise in front of a catwalk of onlookers... but there I was completely soaking and laughing my heart out to the point of tears when it dawned on me... I'm going back to college!
I think?! Well I know... I just have to turn this into a feasible option first... but yes... I am... I think, therefor I am?! hmmm... bygones!

Post script: I am not crazy... only wildly inspired... all the time... well most of the time.. I think ;)

Take that mr. President!!!!

Nothing like a good old spot of bad energy to throw your mercury into retrograde!

Now at the risk of sounding trite let me cut straight to the chase!
A little while ago I was blabbing on about how I actually thrive off of people telling me I "cant" do something! But at the same token, today something really gratifying happened to me but it took a rather unpleasant realisation for it to kick start the engine...

I've been bumping into my friend frequently over the past few weeks, and every time we see one another we get into this seriously in depth discussion over how we are going to renovate and re decorate his apartment. This, however, is usually over a few glasses of wine, by which time we begin deliberating over multi levelled floor planes and and fantastically positioned light detailing! All of which you seldom actually ever expect to see come to fruition!

So I had a really crap wake up call on Monday, one that makes your stomach flip over. And you're knees go weak! Cause I suddenly found myself 2yrs out of studying, 6months out of permanent job matching studying description. And none the wiser about were I am actually heading. And better yet I'm having this all so conveniently pointed out to me by my ever increasingly successful sibling!

I spent the day feeling really sorry for myself and cursing the fact that I'm 22 and so utterly useless... how could this possibly happen to me of all people! And then on cue... just as I'm about to sink into the depths of my own unproductive self pity... the phone rings... its my friend, calling to confirm our long overdue design meeting!

So there I go pottering off to his house expecting some kind of curtain alteration, perhaps a few scatter cushions and a rug?? Well you can imagine my surprise, and delight when he practically hands me the keys to his apartment and says: "OK Missy lets make this happen!". We sat there for 2 hours going over every square inch of that place and coming up with the most incredible ideas to bring his dream house alive!

That's all it took: One person to believe in me and open the door for me! And I'll make the earth move for them! What a great feeling! I'm addicted! I cant wait to see it all coming to life!
As much as I loved being challenged by the whole "you cant do that thing", I think this is even more challenging because somebody is putting their trust and their confidence in my ability to do this! So I get a double prize at the end, my success and their happiness!

Post script: I can't stop smiling ;)

Tick tick... chk chk chk!!!

My friend Matthew invited me to his Marketing focus group for Red&yellow school! Its a post grad course and they have just chosen their final electorate project and group and they are now strategising this whole amazing marketing scheme for the product they have chosen!

Anyway so the way it works is there are 9 groups of 6 in the class and then you choose your product and you conduct all of these external focus groups to conceptualise and zone in on the final scheme for the marketing of it and brand escalation into your chosen target market.

So everyone in the group invites 2 people along to come and do some brainstorming. There are a number of questions etc that have been prepared and the group then launches into these debates on each topic: like packaging, tag line, materials, main consumer, outlets, advertising, leaks into the public etc.

They had chosen this shoe brand called G-mo "Grant Morrison Designs.. and he basically does these incredible one offs and just structurally amazing and functional shoes. All made from animal friendly environmentally friendly products. And they honestly are so cool!

So there we sat this incredibly eclectic group of people: The fashion editor of cosmo, the lawyer, the conservationist, the hippy, the interior designer, the trustfund baby etc thrashing out every possible angle to launch these shoes! It was so intense and people were getting so heated it was amazing!

But wow what incredible energy was emanating from this whole scenario - I felt wired! I just got home and I'm on such a buzz I don't actually know what to do with myself! I wanna do something like that!

Its so powerful to be in the hub of something so creative! Especially when its a group dynamic!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
Gad I'm excited!!! It just makes you think about things in a completely different way when you get into situations like that you know, You learn what makes people tick and how they think... anything can become something special with the right Angle and the right brain and the right marketing campaign............ oooooooooh whoop whoop!!

Nothing like a good old seasonal spring clean!
Out with the old and drab, in with the new and fab!

It astounds me how much crap I can accumulate in such a short space of time. Its usually a rather dishevelled and out of sync wardrobe! But in the long term it can amount to a life time of hoarding!

Everytime I get stuck into it I am guaranteed to get rid of an entire black bag of lurkies skulking about in the shadows, hoping no one would spot them and frog march them into the ominous looking plastic prison. All ready to be hoisted into the back of the VW and sent on their merry way, or in a more deserving direction! (Mother gets 1st pickings though- we wouldn't want anything designer getting lost in the ruthless run of things!)

I used to be such a hoarder until about the age of 14, when I realised just how tedious it was to plastic wrap every single collectors mug from Spur! Or pin all of those ridiculous little mighty mouse badges from Steers, onto some horrid looking denim jacket handed down from the 80's - every time we moved - which was often, thanks to dad's itchy feet syndrome!

Something came ovr me one day that made me realise how cleansing it can be to chuck everything away! All the stuff you hoard in boxes and never actually even look at - let alone realise actually still exists once you have shut the lid and packed it away(for good)!

Come to think of it all the shelves at the top of my cupboards - the out of reach one's that I had to get a ladder to get to, were stuffed full of boxes I had lagged around from house to house without having the faintest clue about what was in them! What on earth is the point of that I ask myself now! Because once I had moved out into my own house all of these boxes somehow made there way into my moms cellar! And they have been down there ever since!

The pile gets added to every time I move house, and no longer want some of the newer things I have acquired boxed and shelved.
So after 5 years, plus a life time of hoarding. I decided with much encouragement it was time to get rid of all of it... but in order to do this I had to go through all of it! Yikes!

I've now hoisted all of the cob-webbed dusty boxes out of there and I've been sitting in the garage with them piled around my ears! Its so exciting - I feel like I've discovered the pirates treasure chest! There are things in there I don't even remember having! Some things I actually quite fancy now... and some I cant believe I ever owned, and will deny profusely ever owning - should anyone discover them before they get tossed!

Pictures, and dresses and diaries... "love" letters, birthday cards and perfumes... Ex-boxes: hilarious! Jewellery, crafts, paints, paintings, books, bags... shoes, sticker collections... I even have the entire lion king marble collection with the goon ball... and All of the Dino diaper babies and the kitty and puppy ones... I must have every single set of collectors fad toys for every age group, until I got too cool to collect them anymore ( or admit I collected them anym0re at least!)

I have rosettes from horse riding for dressage, cross country and show jumping. Then there are the artworks from high school and the grammar school books of 1st spelling and sentence structuring. Mom's kept every report from Sub A to matric and all of my certificates.
I have portfolios full of original presentations from college! What do you even do with stuff like that??... knowing how many pain staking hours it took me to do all of it... I even have a three storey model of a language school I designed - complete with coffee shop and all! It all just seems like a life time ago!

So here I sit sifting through what seems like all the tangible life I have lived to date, deciding what should stay and what should go. There comes a time when you need to draw a line with the sentimental side of all of it, close your eyes and just chuck. Because this probably is the last time I will ever go through it, unless of course I start adding to the pile again! Its harder than its sounds though, its my 3 dimensional time line in a sense, if I get rid of it what will I have to show for myself... hmmm... I'll have to develop some sort of scale of importance or something and let mother have the deciding vote.. I'm clearly not being objective enough because I haven't even dented the pile!

OK I'm going to go now! As this is what I like to call P R O C R A S T I N A T I O N of the inevitable!

Post script: When in doubt... stand in front of the mirror and pout! This may take up hours as you could eventually start to look like someone else... resulting in your amusement for a little longer than intended!

Paint Box
"Cobalt and umber and ultramarine,
Ivory black and emerald green-
What shall I paint to give pleasure to you? "
"Paint for me somebody utterly new."

"I have painted you tigers in crimson and white."
"The colors were good and you painted aright."
"I have painted the cock and a camel in blue
And a panther in purple." "You painted them true.

Now mix me a color that nobody knows,
And paint me a country where nobody goes.
And put in it people a little like you,
Watching a unicorn drinking the dew.

E. V. Rieu

Window shopping the world for a day...

I've been window shopping the world today... for hours... peering in on everyone's strange quirkiness and daily routine.

Having coffee at Wembley is like being in a fish bowl, so you can hardly blame my meandering eye for scanning the courtyard every 3 seconds. I glanced over at Sin's noticing that the majority of the activity was actually stemming directly from there. It was teaming with bubbly giggly matric girls from St Cyprians having there final luncheon.

What a sight, it was seriously like some kind of exacerbated scene cut and pasted straight out of 'Gossip girl' right there in Wembley Square! The outfits ranged from every trend you could possibly imagine on elle.com mixed in with this bizarre Afro chic-ness... some managed to hit the nail on the head while others... hmmm - well lets just say they should have stuck to their school uniforms!

Hair, nails, make up the works! I think big hair is back because I haven't seen that much hair spray and chutzpa since 'The Nanny' stopped airing in 1993. What a laugh, I'm sure we weren't like that?! Mind you, I just flipped through my matric album and I'm beginning to develop a serious complex as to whether or not we actually were all that - and a bowl of whipped cream!

I got this wave of nostalgia gazing over at them, frantically chatting and planning all of the excitement and adventure ahead of them. I remember that last month so vividly, just as you finish exams and reality sets in that you have the rest of your future ahead of you. All of a sudden its actually all in your hands. That question you were asked on your first day of school: "What do you wanna be when your all grown up?" has come full circle. And now it is time to decide exactly which path you want to go down.

I sat there for a while transfixed by their youth and naivety. Wondering how I would have done things differently, given the opportunity to go back in time. Its an interesting concept really, kind of like those books that have one beginning, and a hundred different possible outcomes.

I think I would like to have seen a bit more of the world before I decided what I was going to be doing for the rest of my life. In retrospect it would probably have been far more beneficial than my foolishly wasted year of fashion design. Although I knew I always wanted to be somehow involved in fashion - it just wasn't the design side!

In a way every time we change our minds, our careers, partners, homes, style, interests we are going to be right back at square one! The excitement and adventure shouldn't fade away... actually I take that back, everything we do, every decision we make is leading us silently to where we will eventually find our niche in this big beautiful mysterious world.

Even though occasionally it feels like I'm walking around in this really thick fog with misted motorcycle goggles and wellingtons that are four sizes to big for me, making it impossible to navigate anywhere. I know that this too shall pass, and as my special brother told me direction will find me... just wear bright reflective clothing at all times ;))

Post script:

My very favourite writer Edward Monkton once said:

"Zen dog: He knows not where he's going as the ocean will decide,
its not the destination - its the glory of the ride"

The absoluteness of it all...

He is both static and dynamic and is both creator and destroyer. He is the oldest and the youngest, he is the eternal youth as well as the infant. He is the source of fertility in all living beings. He has gentle as well as fierce forms. Shiva is the greatest of renouncers as well as the ideal lover. He destroyes evil and protects good. He bestows prosperity on worshipers although he is austere. He is omnipresent and resides in everyone as pure consciousness.

Shiva is inseparable from Shakti - Parvati the daughter of Himavaan - Haimavati. There is no Shiva without Shakti and no Shakti without Shiva, the two are one - or the absolute state of being - consciousness and bliss.

Singing: "Doo a didi didi dum didi day..."

Today the sunshine picked me up and held me in its arms and bathed me in this warm honey
glow that I can only fully explain to you, or myself as happiness... sheer unadulterated bliss!
The magic that is the small things around us, the briefest of moments setting the right frequency for our unique tunes...

Today I beat the drum, I found my rhythm again.. its been too long!
"and if I cant find my way back to me... let the sun fall down over me..."

Sometimes we forget how much of our own happiness is self manifested... only
you have the key to it... and then there's one more essential ingredient... the catalyst if you will...
the tiny trigger that sets the whole big beautiful extravaganza in motion...

Today on my run I found that trigger.. well the fact that I was running at all after my unfortunate health over the past 2months was reason enough... but then the sunset...
It was just... out of this world... salvation is here...!

And there I sat... on top of the world again, singing: "Doo a didi didi dum didi day..."

Post script: A good friend of mine told me that ducks actually know the frequency for the happiness tune off by heart... ;))

Queen of hearts....

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open.
With the grace of maturity, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on
today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And that you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn.

Life is pearly......... life is a pearl... guard your pearls...

Yesterday started out as any ordinary day would: tea in bed with home made crunchies... a hot shower... followed by a lazy breakfast of sunny side up on a slice of wholewheat toast...

It was a beautiful day and Mom and I had planned to spend it meandering through Kalk Bay, window shopping, maybe the occasional purchase... stopping off at the little delicatessen shops along the way for some hot coffee, perhaps a croissant... then we were off to have our hair done! What a perfect way to spend a Friday off!

So we are just about to leave the house, clad in our summery frocks and Grecian sandals and mom gets a phone call from the dentist.. she'd forgotten about her 11am tooth extraction! How appropriate- I would've done the same.. selective memory disorder - the less pleasant the appointment, the more apparent the disorder becomes! Anyway the Dentist is on the way and we figure she'll be done in two ticks and then we can get back to our excursion!

So I decide go along with her for moral support and a good laugh - I've never really been the one to turn to when you're in pain.. I think its a nervous disorder or something, but I can't seem to contain my laughter in the face of extreme distress! Bad bad person I know!!!

So the dentist straps mother in as he can see she's already starting to hyperventilate at the mere sound of his air suction pipe, let alone the high speed drill and wrench that are about to extract what is left of her tooth!! Anyway so he gets to work on her tooth.. I realise at this point that I really am quite a sicko for being present to witness all of this in the first place, but I justify my presence by playing the caring daughter role - and holding mothers hand as she squirms in torment, much to my perverse delight!

So about ten minutes into the procedure something appears to be going drastically wrong, the left side of mothers neck and cheek had begun to swell up to an abnormal size and she was violently motioning for the doc to stop at once - as she thought she may be having a heart attack!

Now if you knew my mother at all you would see the humour in all this, she has a severe claustrophobia problem: hates confined spaces and being put in any situation where she is not completely and uncompromisingly in control! Hence going to the Dentist and Doctor are both in the red high alert zone on her "No No" list of things to do!

Never the less the Dentist was determined to get one last tiny piece of her molar out which appeared to have broken off from the tip of the root! This however was proving to be impossible, and the more he probed and drilled and wrenched, the more worked up and exacerbated mother was getting until she just about took his finger off and demanded the medical rescue be alerted at once!

About 2 min's later ( Don't ask me how they got there so quickly- regular occurrence at this dentist? hmmm) four burly paramedics rush into the room: stethoscopes, heart monitor on generator, needles blood pressure pumps and medical gloves in tow!
Mother at this point is puffing and wheezing in such discomfort, I wasn't sure which way I should run or hide or laugh, so I crouched down on the floor and grabbed her hand in a feeble attempt to sooth her! I think I was in shock OK!

Its seems what had happened, which later we found out was called Subcutaneous surgical emphysema, was that the pressure from the high speed air drill had introduced foreign oxygen into the subcutaneous layer of the skin. Which is in between the muscle sheet and the skin. This causes bloating around the face, neck and chest area, resulting in extreme pain and discomfort as well as difficulty in breathing. ( medical synopsis compliments of Dr. Mia)
The other weird symptom is that the bloated area feels like crinkle paper or rice crispies to the touch, no jokes - it actually snap crackle pops!

After the medics had done their thing, we were rushed off to false bay hospital, don't ask me what in tar nation we were doing there! I actually get grills just thinking about it! We were subjected to a 4 hr wait on these trashy hard wood benches, in this terrible blue light waiting room - and I swear to g_d I saw a roach!!!

The upside: I now have extreme appreciation for everything in my life! And as long as I'm never subjected to anything like that again - I think I may even start supporting a charity!

Eventually we were seen and mother got an x-ray. We were then filed back into the queue and had to wait for a further 45mins just to be told that they wanted mother to stay over night, as they had no idea what she actually had! I mean come on people!! 4hrs to hear that! I think not!!!
At this point I decided to take matters into my own hands. I bundled poor, shivering, bloated mother into the warm car. Then I charged around said "hospital" trying to find someone in charge! To no avail! So I hopped in the car and we hot footed out of there!!! Never to be see again!

Thank heavens our own doctor, who was many miles away but well worth the trip, could actually diagnose and treat her in 10 min's which had taken 4hrs at the roach infested false bay clinic!!
I then got to take poor, starving, traumatised mother home, feed her and put her to bed for some much needed rest! I'll remember to trust my instincts and drive the distance in future! Everything always looks clearer and more decisive in retrospect though doesn't it!

Its quite frightening to realise that our parents aren't really super heroes after all, and they can get sick and fragile just as easily as we can. Its quite nice to assume the superhero role for them from time to time... just for a day or two ;)) But no funny ideas of luxury and pampering now OK, or we'll be forced to whip out the snivelly nose, red eyes and coughing tactic!!

Post script: Ducks invented Rice Crispies ;))

"You are the rainbow in my waterfall..."

I've been skating about on the net lately, seeing as its cold and rainy outside and there isn't much else to do with those annoyingly cold spare minutes... I'm not the biggest TV fan either which doesn't really help matters!
So I spend that time down loading hundreds of photographs... happy, sad, beautiful, interesting, ugly, crazy, inspiring amazing photographs!

This is one of my favourites at the moment... Its how I'm feeling most of the time... whenever I go outside and run to my car through the puddles of the never ending rain!
This picture makes me love the rain though, I think its all in the title "You are the rainbow in my waterfall". It makes light of this sullen dreary weather that is being inflicted upon us, and gives you that little dab of appreciation and whimsical momentum as the tiny beautiful rain drops cascade around us leaving precious water diamonds on everything... I love the rain today!

I have another one that makes me even happier though, its taken from the photographers viewing point... it makes you feel as though you yourself are peering out from under the brim of a great big beach brolly... All you can see is this pristine beach and perfect frolicking waves, and a few sandy footprints just in front of you... Its so real you could touch it, "sunshine and happiness" is what I have called it...

Just a few weeks away... **

Postscript: Ducks are no.1 in africa's big 5 ;)

Cape Town = 90% mabye's!

I did a little social experiment this week. I was at a braai, and overheard a conversation between a Joburger and a Capetonian about our commitment issues, when it comes to planning our weekends! And come to think of it, its been bugging me how much people pleasing goes on around us every single day! So I decided to create a little "event" and see what the majority of the guest list optioned for. Now I am by no means exempt from this little experiment... I'm probably the biggest crook of all!

Anyway, so 182 invites went out at 9am this morning on our dear great and powerful Facebook (faithful arch enemy and best friend)! So by 9:45 - which is by in large the time that everyone has arrived at work/or their desk of sorts, waded through there friend requests, wall posts and inbox messages, scanned their list of event invites and settled in to have some coffee.

Now this is all before they have actually done the slightest thing about their real work - I might add! So its almost 12:45 and we have 8 confirmed guests, 13 maybes, 7 not attending and are awaiting the reply of 154 MIA's... So I'm having a little bet with myself... that in true Capetonian style the "maybe" list will have trebled come Friday afternoon, when everyone zootes off for the start of their weekend fiasco!

Now this is what I was talking about to begin with... its seems to be a little Capetonian trait... we are the biggest people pleasers that ever hit the face of the earth! Myself included! We love telling everyone who is willing to lend half an ear that we will "Definitely be there", "See you there", "Can't wait for blah blah blah" etc... It fascinates me! So that come the last minute, we have promised the world a Dollar when we only have a shilling for the jam jar! And trues Bob we'll probably end up doing something completely impulsive, that wasn't even on the list to begin with! Making ourselves the biggest MIA's of all! Correct me if I'm wrong here, but we are pretty ridiculous when you actually think about it. So in the end the only person we are actually pleasing is ourselves: cause everyone else will end up being miffed with our lack of attendance again!

Maybe its due to the nature of the arrangements. There only ever seem to be a handful of formal events: birthdays, dinners, weddings, funerals, anniversaries and awards where we actually have to give a serious confirmation. Otherwise everything else always seems to be quite casual, and impersonal? Maybe this flippant nature of organisation is what causes us to be so superficial in our commitment to "said event"? Or maybe its just our overzealous commitment to being everywhere at the same time - we are not super heroes people! (I know how temping that purple cape may look, note to self: Don't do it!!!) Hmmm... food for thought!

Post script: Ducks can be in several places at one time! Fact!

Shaman's, goblin's, tee pee's and journey's....

I'm in the mood for some soul searching, I've read about these shaman camps they have out in the mountains in Africa... You hike up there and sit in these temporary tee pee furnaces that they put up! And there you sit locked in a spatial trance of melodic chanting and drums. The heat is so extreme and permeating that you almost pass out from the sheer intensity of it.

I'm all about the life enriching and the alternative at the moment, I'm devouring books and documentaries at such a fervent pace I'm starting to concern myself! And music... music has become such an integral part of my daily journey... its like a soundtrack to my own movie.

Sometimes I really want to fit myself into some very competetive corporate category. With a typically stiff black pencil skirt, some seriously menacing looking heels, a blackberry, a briefcase and a really fast car! You'd probably find me on any given day peering down at my minions from some ivory tower in the centre of town...

And other times, and this I consider to be the better 2/3rds of myself, wants to don my sparkly little sandals, my whimsical silver threaded bohemian skirts or Turkish pants with my beads and bangles and all things colourful and creative and live in some little studio overlooking Bailey's rock pool in Kalk bay... spending my days painting, writing, swimming, hiking and doing things that generally inspire me... flitting about like the little gypsy I am at heart... So I wonder where the happy medium is for me?

Somewhere between the boho, creative, edgy, trendy, gypsy, socialite, corporate climber... hmmm... how on earth do I blend that cocktail?

Maybe one day I'll write about it... or better yet... sell it!

Post Script: Ducks built the pyramids: fact!

Clickety... clique, click??

Is Cape Town clicky?
You know, like the whole "group", "social status", "old school"... "new school"... blah shma?

I'm trying to work it out actually... because there are people who have lived here there whole lives, and still don't feel like they actually belong here. And then there are people who move here on a whim or a bursary or a lifestyle betterment mission, or whatever you want to call it, and they have never felt more at home!

So couldn't it then be a confidence in yourself thing too, I ask myself?
Or is it just this preconceived notion one has of the icy austere clique that frequent the streets, bars and homes of cape town.
I think its bollocks quite personally, and then sometimes I look around and can see who the people are who never quite relax or warm to the crowd, and I feel horrible for them... but surely that can't only be about whom they are surrounded by, it has to come partly from their own attitudes and actions too... Don't you get back what you put out, isn't that the whole idea?

Take myself for instance, I know when its not a good time for me to even attempt to socialise- when I could quite literally throw daggers into the crowd with my unwelcoming stare. And then there are those days when I'm feeling on top of the world and anything is possible. You know those days I'm talking about! She woman days!

Non the less, I was talking to a few of my friends today, non of which are from Cape Town, and they confirmed this arms length notion of Capetonians for me... Well apparently it seems to some: that unless you have grown up with; gone to school/ varsity with; or your parents/ grandparents grew up together etc... there ain't a hope in hell you're getting invited round to the homestead for a warm family meal- much less meeting the family at all.

I went home and thought about this carefully, what a terrible reality, if it is in fact so. But on a closer inspection it actually rings quite true. "Capetonians"- as a massive stereotype- do seem to be all to set in their steadfast ways, to let any new comer ever feel like part of the furniture.

Is this true though, i mean really? I don't feel like that... in fact the thought has never really crossed my mind... I mean obviously it is easier to built a sustainable base with someone who has had a similar background and upbringing to you. You'd have more in common, more to go on, but that's only initially. Sooner or later that person, whether they have an identical history to you or not, is going to have to prove themselves to you as an individual. Without all that other history mambo jumbo!

I mean I'm a Capetonian and I love meeting people from other places, its so interesting!
And even more so when you realise that even though you're from opposite sides of the globe or country, you share common interests, similarities and kindred spirits in sense. I find it far more gratifying than already knowing everything about the person you're meeting. That's way to easy. Its like being handed your "lifetime friendship" on a silver platter- how boring!

Post script: Ducks are friends, not food!

What goes bump in the night?!?

OK, now before you get the wrong idea... I am not, I repeat NOT, referring to the funky monkey here!! Oh no.. this was something far more terrifying! Far far waaaaaaaaay far out of my control kind of terrifying!

So its 02:45am, I awake in the dead of the night at my mom's house (where I have come to have a 'chilled' weekend), aroused by some sort of gurgling, spluttering, violently disturbed noise that appeared to be coming from under my bed... but on closer inspection actually seemed to be coming from the bed at the adjacent wall, the one near the window!
Or wait, maybe from outside the window, something attempting to get in!!! A dreaded lurgy!!!! Stalking me in my "peaceful" slumber... Drat!!! "Isn't this why I escaped town"??

Anyway, so in my semi conscious state I attempt to reason with myself as to what on earth could possibly be capable of making such a noise?? Had my brother been there too, the obvious answer would be: he had in fact crept outside, and tried to revive our 1969 lawn mower for some late night manual labour due to an insatiable bout of insomnia, or some such ridiculousness! Boys: I mean really, they're so weird! .. OK side tracked, sorry...

He was not there however! So my foggy mind scrambled through a few more viable options: Burglar? Ghost? Demented demon? Rabid dog? Street man? Upturned bin (by street man)?
Off road scrambler engine? Prince Valiant - my night in shining armour.. nice!!?
A wounded Penguin? A mating penguin? Sick perverts!!
OK enough! Time for inspection...

... Dun dun dun... (followed by that high pitched killer noise from Scream)...
OK so I never actually left my bed for this part of the story, being paralysed by fear and all that... Instead I scrambled under my blanket, turned myself around until the point where I could re-emerge and peer past the dresser from a slight hole I had created with my nose, unobserved by the beast...

Nothing... silence... "sherbet!" I thought out loud to myself, well not loud enough to be heard by 'IT' - that would just be silly now wouldn't it! ...Then it started again... this guttural, throaty assault on my ears! Garsh darn it! It was in fact inside...... 'now what'?
Oh charming: [insert cold sweat here- how lady like!]
There was no choice left, I was alone in the room with the beast! I had to take swift calculated action - well that is without moving a muscle, leaving my 'safe' place, or actually being fully consciously rational at this point... hmmm... tricky?!?

I then went about crunching myself into a little ball, and in my most convincing impersonation, I attempted to let out a low threatening howl- followed by some thunderous coughing
(I'm sick-I know)!!
Yes!! That should ward it off, send it packing, running for the hills with its tail between its legs! Great! Nice! I rock!!

No wait... It didn't retreat, it didn't even stir! Ah gad! I'm trapped, OK wait it hasn't actually motioned toward me yet... strange?... hmmm false security??... I don't buy it... but clever very clever!!! This thing is onto me!
It was time to shift into to plan B, I thought - being the true Jedi warrior I had convinced myself into being at this point in order to win this battle!
Unfurling my self from my blanket I lashed out in one flash motion and ninja chopped the dresser!

((Whaaaack!!!))

That should do it! Good stuff! Job well done! Proud of you soldier!

...."ggggggssssssuuuuuubbbllmmmggrrrr"

Frik!! What kind of psycho, would obliviously continue this charade after hearing the infamous ninja chop??
Oh someone is gonna get the smack down!!
Oh you better believe it!!
Game on Beastie!!!

Plan C: I whip the pillow out from under my head, and hurtle it across the room in the general direction of the "disturbance"!!!
( no longer Jedi warrior, this was pure furious little girly me)

[[Thud!!]]
{{Crash}}

Oops... I think I knocked over the lamp, the picture frame, the candle holder and the clock...
but had I actually hit 'IT'.....??

At this point bleary eyed mother enters: "Mia?? What on earth are you doing?? Stop disturbing your aunt! She's trying to sleep!"

Post script: Now had the duck been there, I wouldn't have been scared in the first place ;))

"The time of our lives...."

Ah... behold... the great unknown!

Its the blank canvas I find myself staring at almost every single day...
Its quite exciting really, I know what I can do, and I know what I am good at... and yet every single day I find myself doing the complete opposite. Or something completely new!

Sometimes I take it to the point of discomfort, just to prove that I can do it... especially if someone has insisted I can't! Even if I'm hating every minute of it I will complete the task, and well!

Ah there is nothing more infuriating - and at the at the same token more inspiring!
( I should actually thank the perpetrator come to think of it.. hmmm another time!)
I'm quite perverse in that sense (Thanks dad) ... but I think its in my nature too, being a fire sign and all that mumbo jumbo. I hate losing.

Its lately though. 2008 started out as one of the worst years.. no honestly.. the worst years of my entire life! Everything that could go wrong - went wrong! And then all of a sudden I seized the reigns of the run away horse and took firm control of our direction and speed and final destination. Wow what an awesome feeling! Because even though I may be completely lost. I am certain of my drive and of my ability to succeed when I get there.

My life has been filled to the brim with the most beautiful people, some from the past and some very new faces and they are all in some way part of this incredible adventure I find myself embarking on. They are the web of hands and hearts that hold me up and bind me together.

I smile a lot. And I cry. But mostly I'm just happy.

Summer........... or not?

I am so tired of teetering on the edge of summer... There is this constant: "Are we there yet?" dancing about on the tip of my tongue every time a cloud passes over and reveals the shimmering glory that is the sun!

I admit I love the whole winter vibe the season has had rainy DVD night's, dinners with friends, fire's, hot chocolate, forest walks... chunky sweaters and fabulous boots, wellies, layers and layers of gorgeous rich fabrics and textures... while still being small and shapely enough to allow you to be feminine... we are not talking duffel coats here OK! Although there have been some points when I could well have run for the cupboard to grab just about anything in the plight to be warm- OK bar that strange grey thing lurking about in the back!! ( Its not mine - I swear!)

But enough now! I don't want any of it! Can you imagine how suffocated our bodies are feeling? At least our heads remain high, un clad, still able to suckle in the sweetness of the fresh (admittedly very fresh) air!
But its September now for heavens sake... I think we should appeal to mother nature in an urgent cry for: LESS IS MORE!

I long for the sandy dishevelled, sun kissed look one sports all summer long ( well except for those guys in the IT dept: Dr Kern's tan can- hello??)
But alas it looks like the only thing she's sending our way are extreme weather conditions, tsunami's, Gail force winds, white squalls, floods and anything else that could potentially take us out without to much warning.. talk about bad PMS on her part! Now I know how guys feel!

"Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn!"

uh.. herm...(Later on we will hold hands and pray for this thing called "summer") ... um... no!?!?

Journey of self discovery....

hmmm... the weekend is nigh... I can feel the madness welling up inside me... I love it! It starts up mid week, say about 3 o'clock Wednesday and continues to mount until there is no telling what could happen! I'm thinking about packing a little rucksack and running for the hills to save myself from myself! Well actually, to pull myself towards myself is probably more like it!

I seem to be stuck in this frantic social whirlwind at the moment! Its actually enough!
I don't think I've ever met so many new people in such a short space of time in my entire life to date! Its really exciting, but seriously draining too. Cause each time you meet, you connect and share, and leave a little of yourself with them... but eventually there will be none left and that's probably about the time you should seriously take up the offer of running as far away as possible!!! Like now... go Mia! Save yourself!!! ;)

Ha ha... no its not quite that bad really! I'm just doing a lot of things I've never even thought possible! Like throwing myself into the water in a wetsuit when its raining and I can barely feel my fingers anymore and then proceeding to have a cold shower afterwards to wash all the salt off- yeah that kind of thing! And with all of these weird and wonderful activities comes a new face, a new friend, a new challenge!

In a way I feel like I'm travelling, even though I'm standing still, I'm finding myself lost in translation with all of these familiar unfamiliar faces! Trading secrets with perfect strangers, and learning new things about myself everyday. Its intense I wont lie! But there's something addictive about it too. It pushes me to wade further and further into the unfamiliar waters surrounding me. To inch a little more away from the 'box' that is so safe to me.

"Trust me its paradise: This is were the hungry come to feed, for mine is a generation that circles the globe in search of something we haven't tried before. So never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never out stay your welcome. Just keep you're mind open and suck in the experience, and if it hurts you know what its probably worth it... You hope and you dream but you never believe that somethings gonna happen for you- not like it does in the movies, and when it actually does you expect it to feel different, more visceral, more real... I was waiting for it to hit me..."

"I still believe in paradise - but now at least I know its not some place you can look for, cause its not where you go, its how you feel for a moment in your life and if you find that moment, it'll last forever"

Grown ups, grow up, grown up! Growing... growing... gone!!!

When did we grow up?

Its a strange concept really, the day I no longer felt like a child anymore... hmmm... sometimes I don't think that day ever really came!
I mean we all have these tendencies, I could honestly imagine myself still being able to lie on the floor in a fit of tears and blind rage when I've been denied my candy bar- again!

Or when someone doesn't listen to you and you feel that hysteria welling up in your throat, and the room becomes a little too small for the both of you and all you can imagine satisfying you is grabbing that ruler and whacking them over the head with it!
OK that's a little extreme... I never did that - I promise!

But seriously, there is a definite transition, when all of a sudden you know better than to do that!
I felt it the other day, well it wasn't about doing something as ridiculous as making a public spectacle of myself... It was more about fear. I remember when I was younger, nothing seemed to be to daunting! I was game for everything! Climbing to the highest branches I could find, jumping off of rocks into the dark sea weeded sea, ramping over things with my roller blades or my bicycle... I wasn't scared of anything, I never thought of the danger or consequence of my actions. Fear just didn't seem to be an option.

For the first time in a long time, I got that little twinge of fear! Like something could actually seriously go wrong here! Something out of my control you know.

It started off at the beginning of last week, when I started my training to become an adventure guide for the summer.
We trekked up to the cable car road with our 4X4, bike racks and helmets in tow! And set off on the first of many trials to come!
Assembling ourselves we started off in single file ( me being the only girl of course!) It was a beautiful day: sunny, warm, windless - a Cape Town classic!
Rounding the bend we came to our first downhill leg of the trip, no sweat I thought, 'I know how to ride a bike!'

Well that's were I was horrible mistaken! Because just as we set off... that little nagging thing called fear kicked in, and I realized I'd gotten in a little too deep for my liking!
The trail was so steep, my bike had zero shock absorption, and the seat I was perched precariously on may as well have been made from solid rock!

Not a great first impression to come flailing wildly down the hill past all the boys like a deranged octopus on heat! Only to come to a stop by crashing into a hump an near up ending myself over the steering wheel straight into a giant mud pit! Class - is all I'm saying!

Next up was my sand boarding initiation in Atlantis. So naturally all the boys have, snow boarded, skate boarded, surfed- you know, done some form of something that affiliated them with our newly appropriated toy - the sand board, which later I discovered was actually a snow board: clips boots and all, that had been rescued and recycled form Tiffendale! Further adding to their advantage!

Anyway, as baptisms of fire go, this definately topped the list... Our guide marched us up to the 2nd highest dune in Atlantis and quite literally pushed us over the edge.... "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Splat!!!
Class!

You're body does everything it shouldn't do and it does it quite naturally, this being because instinctively you'll lean back to slow yourself down, but this will only send your board rocketing up in front of you, landing you on your already bicycle broken buttocks!!!
So effectively, already terrified at the sheer height of the slope you're attempting to casually slalom down, you now have every natural instinct in you're body actively working against you!

Now had I been 6years old again last week, non of this would have been a problem!
My agile little mind and body would have effortlessly, and without so much as a second thought conquered all of these outrageous quests I have signed myself up for.

The good news is, I have successfully managed to stand and turn on one entire run down the 2nd highest dune in Atlantis ( sorry I had to say it again people! it just sounds better!).
And I can now officially call myself a pseudo-ish mountain jockey! Class!

Princess Mia:
"When I grow up... I want to be a an adventure guide mummy! And I want to be better at it than all of the boys!"

Mummy:
"Anything else dear?"

Princess Mia:
"Yes, I want a pink my little pony for my birthday!" ;)

"Hi my name is Mia, its so good to meet you..."

I love meeting new people, it opens up this whole new world. One you would never have been allowed to pry into under any other circumstances.
Its an invitation to take a trip along someone else's time line, to be a part of their story.
Its a common thread that links us as individuals - we all share this ability to influence and change one another's lives.

We teach one another about ourselves: paint by numbers in a sense, joining the dots where our similarities and differences fill in the gaps that lie between us, washing over us, and converging in this warm acknowledgment of one's self in another's eyes. An un obscured, unbiased mirror.

To be able to laugh until you're cheeks ache with a complete stranger, sans inhibition, is one of the small gifts we so often brush off without the faintest idea of the tiny gem we've let slip through our fingers.

Familiarity in a voice or a gesture, features on our anatomy become part of one another's perceptions and memories, linking us in the subtlety of the unconscious daily motion we exude.

Our eyes and senses drink one another in with our first handshake. Already we've left small nuances behind without even being aware of it. And just like that we've forged a timeless bond. A bubble captured and stored - unique to that place and that moment we've shared. So accessible but too often so easily buried and forgotten...

"Hi my name is Mia, (I'll miss you and remember this day 10 years from now - or maybe I won't, I guess we'll just have to wait and see....) "

Monday's fun days!

hmmm.... Mondays - time to atone for the sins of the two day scrabble!

My most amusing part of the weekend is Sunday evening, about 2 min's before you close your eyes and surrender to that long awaited slumber... there is this moment of reckoning you have with yourself. It feels like a list of new years resolutions, only these are the mini more current version of what's hot or not. They are the one's you try hopelessly to cram into those 48 hours of "holiday" we have every week.

You would think most people have had a stressful enough week, why not try to unwind in your 48hrs of respite? But no, instead we accelerate the pace to the point of frenzy! Trying to eek every last drop of fun, stamina and oxygen we can muster from the tiny vacuum sealed 2/7ths of time we have! So that eventually when Sunday night rolls in, you have damn nearly suffocated yourself as well as everyone else you may or may not have come in contact with! Its a fantastically euphoric feeling to make it to those last 2 min's... I'd imagine a bit like surviving a triathlon- hell, maybe even winning it!

So now Monday has become about implementing all of those things you thought of just before you closed you're eyes! That new exercise regime, a stricter diet, less socialising, more "me" time, perhaps adopting a slightly more conservative demeanor, enjoying nature, quality rather than quantity... the list goes on and on, and every weekend it gets longer and more daunting!

Until today, today I came up with a new solution... Its an instant LC remedy and it comes in the fast efficient form of: a run, a swim in the ocean, a great breakfast, a long hot shower a gorgeous dress and a killer pair of heels to kick start my Monday, and send me rocketing through the week at 300kms/ph to Friday! Just so we can start all over again!

(OK naturally the dress and heels thing doesn't apply to everyone, adapt accordingly! - compliments of Princess Mia;)

Dress up box: For Babatana...

"Lets dress up!"

I open the jewellery box, fumbling for the key... there's a familiar chink chink as I decide to wind it up just for fun, a melody... so familiar yet so far removed transporting us into the moment.

Unlocking the thick stubborn lock. We pull open the the long forgotten musty trunk.
Why not? - lets lose ourselves in this world of glittery, shiny, Lacy fancifulness!
We reach, grabbing, pulling, dropping, layers and layers of a bygone era on the floor, a sea swelling around us enveloping us in a fantasy entirely of our own.

"Paint my eyes, I'll paint yours - no one will know who we are!"
I'm a fairy, you're a queen... We cover ourselves in costume jewellery and encrust our eyes in diamante's... gold, silver, ivy green, cobalt and umber and ultramarine...
The choices are endless and our imaginations run wild with the possibilities...

You are a wicked witch and I am snow white... I wrap myself in crisp lace and you swath yourself in velvet... we twirl and spin and prance around... I'm laughing now uncontrollably, so are you... We collapse in a fit of giggles simultaneously catching glances in the mirror of ourselves and then each other.

We are ridiculous and we are tired - what a wonderful afternoon of playful mischief. How carefree we are I think to myself as the last piece of chiffon and trim slips back into the trunk, I hope we'll stay like this. I never want to be too old for dress up!

Travel bug...

There is something to be said about immersing yourself in a foreign culture.
In a place where nothing and no one makes sense to you, and yet it all just feels so right.

The sights and smells and sounds, the hustle bustle of daily life that carries on around you, oblivious to your candid intrusion. You're momentarily awkward eye, following their every move. Questioning the similarities and differences you may share.

There is a piece of you that craves whole heartedly to be a part of it, that's the piece you take home with you. The one that keeps the desire alive, that keeps you searching curiously - yet never fully quenching you're thirst for more.
The piece you leave behind is the you, you came with. In the hopes that perhaps you have given them a taste of yourself, and left a small but sizeable impression.

Enough so that one day your paths may cross again in that place that you call home, so that they too may share the same experience.

Realising the dream!?!

Is it possible to fall in love with an inanimate object? A house? To fall in love with a house?
Well that's exactly what happened to me one day... strange - yes, but true - yes.

OK well its not as deranged as it sounds, I think I fell in love more with the idea of the whole thing: The house on the hill idea.
It was rather timeous for it to appear to me just then - as simultaneously my own "house" seemed to be built on sand and rapidly shifting itself into the great big blue. And oh how I would have done a deal with the devil, just to have the house on the hill instead.

Its a strange thing when things come undone at the seams and everything falls through the cracks leaving almost nothing to carry on with, but you do anyway - its human instinct to hang on for dear life, until something or someone gives you a hand up.

On those blackest days my dad and I used to drive up to the top of Arcadia drive in Fresnaye, I don't know what it was - but somehow the air was cleaner and crisper up there, the sun was warmer, Cape Town felt like oceans away.
And there we would sit, so high above everyone just staring down on the city- putting our tiny lives and problems into perspective with the greater picture. Allowing us to momentarily numb the dull thud coursing through our veins, and replace it with an energy so rich and pure and hopeful that anything seemed possible.

It was on one of those days that I first saw my house... it appeared to me like a gigantic gleaming symbol of everything I longed for. Somehow it embodied my entire future within its walls and the floating chasms of the eternal circular pool... Even though I could never go inside, it comforted me immensely just to know it was there, and I could be close to it.

Just knowing the dream was alive. And attaining it was all in my hands. It gave me such a sense of calm and control in a world that had just been turned upside down.
It was my ivory tower, my fort, my haven in the eye of the storm.
And I clung to the idea of it with everything I had.

I still go to that house today, whenever I need clarity. Whenever I feel as if I have nowhere to run, and no one to run to. And its still there waiting for me, for the day I walk through the front door and realise the dream.

And I'll be home. Wherever that is.

There are few things on earth I appreciate more than sunset or sunrise, well other than love friendship, family and all the rest of the usual suspects! It just amazes me how consistently beautiful and unique each and everyone I see is.

I thought about this a lot a while back and decided I would go to the same place each evening and take a photograph of of every sunset I saw, just to capture the subtle or dramatic differences between them for myself: take a picture right - it last longer! But it does - it was incredible! All the different shades and hues the sky turned around this daily natural phenomenon. If I could paint a picture I'd never have enough colours in my paint box to mimic what I'd captured on film. I think that's the beauty of it, that you cant, and in every setting it encompasses all the colours of the rainbow - and then some!

They say if you squint your eyes just as the first light pops out above the horizon there is a green flash, I've never seen it but my dad swears he has! I'm bemused by this notion and so most mornings I sit alone or in good company- warming my hands on a hot cup of earl grey or just humming along to my i-pod in lotus position. I sit and I wait... right up until its fully exposed... but I'm yet to see the mysterious green flash!

This morning was one of those days. It is a rare occasion I manage to get up before my alarm clock summons me to my trainers, let alone beating the tar mac before the sun has licked its way ahead of me. I finished up and assumed my position on the rocks that jut out to sea between Camps Bay and Glen beach. This is one of my favourite places in Cape Town, somehow I feel as though I am part of the elements that make up the picture I am looking at when I sit here.

So I sat and I waited... listening, breathing in the surrounds... poised... suspenseful... here it goes... POP!...
No flash! hmmmm!

Well I guess the good news is - this just gives me that added pinch of encouragement to get up tomorrow and try again!

Those days!

There are days when I could honestly choose from over a hundred different outfits in my cupboard to wear, when there are endless possibilities and a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow- and I'm the one who gets there first every time!

And then sometimes, I don't know what it is... bad shrimp? too much caffeine before bedtime ("they" say milk gives you nightmares if you have a little too much before you go to sleep... hmmm!) this lurky flu I cant quite seem to shake off, or just some giant galumphing hang up you have about the granny who lives next door... the one who revs incessantly to get up the hill, just while you're savouring those last few precious dreamy minutes of slumber, yes the one's that determine the sunshine, happiness and candy factor for your entire day!!!
So what started out as a relatively guilt free, healthy week has now turned into an avalanche of endorphin chasing chocolate cravings and bad smoothie choices at the the salad bar!

I can unfortunately see that this is going to be one of those days, and as I feel myself powerlessly trudging into it, I have taken some time out to write this in the hopes that maybe- even if its a long shot- I'll somehow jolt myself from the arms of Morpheus and turn this whole thing around...even just post my caffeine slump at around 4ish!
At which time the greater part of today will have evaporated in some falsely elated mist of whatever frivolous activity I have chosen to embalm myself in!

I can then go about throwing myself head long into a 3hr unwinding ceremony in preparation for my much awaited Kundalini class.
Easing my way through the next hour and a half under my yogi's gracefully poised eye until about 8 thirty, when finally I can come back home, kick off my shoes, draw myself a bubble bath (candle lit of course!), pick out my fluffy robe and slippers and boil the kettle for a hot mug of chai... and I guess the rest is history... until tomorrow that is!

Well actually, as the congressman in Batman says, with a flip of a double headed coin and a wink of the eye: " I make my own luck!" ... hmmm yes, I think I too shall greet each day with this exciting new prospect!

I see what you see

The all seeing eye... she knows you know she knows!