I turned 30 this year. People have said many things to me in my twenties, things to sculpt my perception of what it means to be 30, to have lived and experienced and absorbed 30 years of knowledge, 30 years of happiness, sadness, joy, success's, failure's, ambitions, dreams, heartache, love, fear & courage... but nothing prepared me for this feeling. Calm, acceptance, humility and thankfulness.
Ive done some pretty remarkable things in my time on this planet, well remarkable to me at least. I haven't walked on the moon, or discovered the cure for an incurable disease, or become the first female president of the United States. No I have done none of these things, but I have forged some of the most meaningful and fulfilling friendships, and relationships. I have travelled to places far and wide - places I only dreamed about as a little girl. I have lived.
I may not always make the soundest choices or act in a way I would like to be treated in return. I have broken some hearts, and in turn mine has been broken. But I have loved, I have been in love, I am not afraid of love - the being or the receiving. I know I have a heart, and I now know that I need to treat other peoples hearts gently because scar tissue runs deep, and although the wound has healed little incisions are careful and permanent reminders. No one deserves a fear created by the careless mind of someone else.
I have had fear in the past, I know the feeling that seizes your gut and renders you motionless in the moment. To travel, to be alone, to actually go after a dream. My fear is failing, others and myself. but my greatest fear is growing old and not being able to see and share a dream realized. A dream built from my own blood sweat and tears. Something seamlessly carved with my calloused hands to show for it. A potent and timeless creation, a mirror of my soul.
I don't believe this is one thing, and I don't believe it will happen overnight. What I do know is that as I launch my kite, and allow the wind to carry it far up into the clouds, it will not only be my hands guiding its flight... but the hands of every wonderful being I have had the joy of meeting along the way. And you, I know your hands will be steadying mine, ensuring the course stays true. keeping the wind constant, and the dream high.
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