What goes bump in the night?!?

OK, now before you get the wrong idea... I am not, I repeat NOT, referring to the funky monkey here!! Oh no.. this was something far more terrifying! Far far waaaaaaaaay far out of my control kind of terrifying!

So its 02:45am, I awake in the dead of the night at my mom's house (where I have come to have a 'chilled' weekend), aroused by some sort of gurgling, spluttering, violently disturbed noise that appeared to be coming from under my bed... but on closer inspection actually seemed to be coming from the bed at the adjacent wall, the one near the window!
Or wait, maybe from outside the window, something attempting to get in!!! A dreaded lurgy!!!! Stalking me in my "peaceful" slumber... Drat!!! "Isn't this why I escaped town"??

Anyway, so in my semi conscious state I attempt to reason with myself as to what on earth could possibly be capable of making such a noise?? Had my brother been there too, the obvious answer would be: he had in fact crept outside, and tried to revive our 1969 lawn mower for some late night manual labour due to an insatiable bout of insomnia, or some such ridiculousness! Boys: I mean really, they're so weird! .. OK side tracked, sorry...

He was not there however! So my foggy mind scrambled through a few more viable options: Burglar? Ghost? Demented demon? Rabid dog? Street man? Upturned bin (by street man)?
Off road scrambler engine? Prince Valiant - my night in shining armour.. nice!!?
A wounded Penguin? A mating penguin? Sick perverts!!
OK enough! Time for inspection...

... Dun dun dun... (followed by that high pitched killer noise from Scream)...
OK so I never actually left my bed for this part of the story, being paralysed by fear and all that... Instead I scrambled under my blanket, turned myself around until the point where I could re-emerge and peer past the dresser from a slight hole I had created with my nose, unobserved by the beast...

Nothing... silence... "sherbet!" I thought out loud to myself, well not loud enough to be heard by 'IT' - that would just be silly now wouldn't it! ...Then it started again... this guttural, throaty assault on my ears! Garsh darn it! It was in fact inside...... 'now what'?
Oh charming: [insert cold sweat here- how lady like!]
There was no choice left, I was alone in the room with the beast! I had to take swift calculated action - well that is without moving a muscle, leaving my 'safe' place, or actually being fully consciously rational at this point... hmmm... tricky?!?

I then went about crunching myself into a little ball, and in my most convincing impersonation, I attempted to let out a low threatening howl- followed by some thunderous coughing
(I'm sick-I know)!!
Yes!! That should ward it off, send it packing, running for the hills with its tail between its legs! Great! Nice! I rock!!

No wait... It didn't retreat, it didn't even stir! Ah gad! I'm trapped, OK wait it hasn't actually motioned toward me yet... strange?... hmmm false security??... I don't buy it... but clever very clever!!! This thing is onto me!
It was time to shift into to plan B, I thought - being the true Jedi warrior I had convinced myself into being at this point in order to win this battle!
Unfurling my self from my blanket I lashed out in one flash motion and ninja chopped the dresser!

((Whaaaack!!!))

That should do it! Good stuff! Job well done! Proud of you soldier!

...."ggggggssssssuuuuuubbbllmmmggrrrr"

Frik!! What kind of psycho, would obliviously continue this charade after hearing the infamous ninja chop??
Oh someone is gonna get the smack down!!
Oh you better believe it!!
Game on Beastie!!!

Plan C: I whip the pillow out from under my head, and hurtle it across the room in the general direction of the "disturbance"!!!
( no longer Jedi warrior, this was pure furious little girly me)

[[Thud!!]]
{{Crash}}

Oops... I think I knocked over the lamp, the picture frame, the candle holder and the clock...
but had I actually hit 'IT'.....??

At this point bleary eyed mother enters: "Mia?? What on earth are you doing?? Stop disturbing your aunt! She's trying to sleep!"

Post script: Now had the duck been there, I wouldn't have been scared in the first place ;))