Nothing like a good old seasonal spring clean!
Out with the old and drab, in with the new and fab!

It astounds me how much crap I can accumulate in such a short space of time. Its usually a rather dishevelled and out of sync wardrobe! But in the long term it can amount to a life time of hoarding!

Everytime I get stuck into it I am guaranteed to get rid of an entire black bag of lurkies skulking about in the shadows, hoping no one would spot them and frog march them into the ominous looking plastic prison. All ready to be hoisted into the back of the VW and sent on their merry way, or in a more deserving direction! (Mother gets 1st pickings though- we wouldn't want anything designer getting lost in the ruthless run of things!)

I used to be such a hoarder until about the age of 14, when I realised just how tedious it was to plastic wrap every single collectors mug from Spur! Or pin all of those ridiculous little mighty mouse badges from Steers, onto some horrid looking denim jacket handed down from the 80's - every time we moved - which was often, thanks to dad's itchy feet syndrome!

Something came ovr me one day that made me realise how cleansing it can be to chuck everything away! All the stuff you hoard in boxes and never actually even look at - let alone realise actually still exists once you have shut the lid and packed it away(for good)!

Come to think of it all the shelves at the top of my cupboards - the out of reach one's that I had to get a ladder to get to, were stuffed full of boxes I had lagged around from house to house without having the faintest clue about what was in them! What on earth is the point of that I ask myself now! Because once I had moved out into my own house all of these boxes somehow made there way into my moms cellar! And they have been down there ever since!

The pile gets added to every time I move house, and no longer want some of the newer things I have acquired boxed and shelved.
So after 5 years, plus a life time of hoarding. I decided with much encouragement it was time to get rid of all of it... but in order to do this I had to go through all of it! Yikes!

I've now hoisted all of the cob-webbed dusty boxes out of there and I've been sitting in the garage with them piled around my ears! Its so exciting - I feel like I've discovered the pirates treasure chest! There are things in there I don't even remember having! Some things I actually quite fancy now... and some I cant believe I ever owned, and will deny profusely ever owning - should anyone discover them before they get tossed!

Pictures, and dresses and diaries... "love" letters, birthday cards and perfumes... Ex-boxes: hilarious! Jewellery, crafts, paints, paintings, books, bags... shoes, sticker collections... I even have the entire lion king marble collection with the goon ball... and All of the Dino diaper babies and the kitty and puppy ones... I must have every single set of collectors fad toys for every age group, until I got too cool to collect them anymore ( or admit I collected them anym0re at least!)

I have rosettes from horse riding for dressage, cross country and show jumping. Then there are the artworks from high school and the grammar school books of 1st spelling and sentence structuring. Mom's kept every report from Sub A to matric and all of my certificates.
I have portfolios full of original presentations from college! What do you even do with stuff like that??... knowing how many pain staking hours it took me to do all of it... I even have a three storey model of a language school I designed - complete with coffee shop and all! It all just seems like a life time ago!

So here I sit sifting through what seems like all the tangible life I have lived to date, deciding what should stay and what should go. There comes a time when you need to draw a line with the sentimental side of all of it, close your eyes and just chuck. Because this probably is the last time I will ever go through it, unless of course I start adding to the pile again! Its harder than its sounds though, its my 3 dimensional time line in a sense, if I get rid of it what will I have to show for myself... hmmm... I'll have to develop some sort of scale of importance or something and let mother have the deciding vote.. I'm clearly not being objective enough because I haven't even dented the pile!

OK I'm going to go now! As this is what I like to call P R O C R A S T I N A T I O N of the inevitable!

Post script: When in doubt... stand in front of the mirror and pout! This may take up hours as you could eventually start to look like someone else... resulting in your amusement for a little longer than intended!

Paint Box
"Cobalt and umber and ultramarine,
Ivory black and emerald green-
What shall I paint to give pleasure to you? "
"Paint for me somebody utterly new."

"I have painted you tigers in crimson and white."
"The colors were good and you painted aright."
"I have painted the cock and a camel in blue
And a panther in purple." "You painted them true.

Now mix me a color that nobody knows,
And paint me a country where nobody goes.
And put in it people a little like you,
Watching a unicorn drinking the dew.

E. V. Rieu

Window shopping the world for a day...

I've been window shopping the world today... for hours... peering in on everyone's strange quirkiness and daily routine.

Having coffee at Wembley is like being in a fish bowl, so you can hardly blame my meandering eye for scanning the courtyard every 3 seconds. I glanced over at Sin's noticing that the majority of the activity was actually stemming directly from there. It was teaming with bubbly giggly matric girls from St Cyprians having there final luncheon.

What a sight, it was seriously like some kind of exacerbated scene cut and pasted straight out of 'Gossip girl' right there in Wembley Square! The outfits ranged from every trend you could possibly imagine on elle.com mixed in with this bizarre Afro chic-ness... some managed to hit the nail on the head while others... hmmm - well lets just say they should have stuck to their school uniforms!

Hair, nails, make up the works! I think big hair is back because I haven't seen that much hair spray and chutzpa since 'The Nanny' stopped airing in 1993. What a laugh, I'm sure we weren't like that?! Mind you, I just flipped through my matric album and I'm beginning to develop a serious complex as to whether or not we actually were all that - and a bowl of whipped cream!

I got this wave of nostalgia gazing over at them, frantically chatting and planning all of the excitement and adventure ahead of them. I remember that last month so vividly, just as you finish exams and reality sets in that you have the rest of your future ahead of you. All of a sudden its actually all in your hands. That question you were asked on your first day of school: "What do you wanna be when your all grown up?" has come full circle. And now it is time to decide exactly which path you want to go down.

I sat there for a while transfixed by their youth and naivety. Wondering how I would have done things differently, given the opportunity to go back in time. Its an interesting concept really, kind of like those books that have one beginning, and a hundred different possible outcomes.

I think I would like to have seen a bit more of the world before I decided what I was going to be doing for the rest of my life. In retrospect it would probably have been far more beneficial than my foolishly wasted year of fashion design. Although I knew I always wanted to be somehow involved in fashion - it just wasn't the design side!

In a way every time we change our minds, our careers, partners, homes, style, interests we are going to be right back at square one! The excitement and adventure shouldn't fade away... actually I take that back, everything we do, every decision we make is leading us silently to where we will eventually find our niche in this big beautiful mysterious world.

Even though occasionally it feels like I'm walking around in this really thick fog with misted motorcycle goggles and wellingtons that are four sizes to big for me, making it impossible to navigate anywhere. I know that this too shall pass, and as my special brother told me direction will find me... just wear bright reflective clothing at all times ;))

Post script:

My very favourite writer Edward Monkton once said:

"Zen dog: He knows not where he's going as the ocean will decide,
its not the destination - its the glory of the ride"

The absoluteness of it all...

He is both static and dynamic and is both creator and destroyer. He is the oldest and the youngest, he is the eternal youth as well as the infant. He is the source of fertility in all living beings. He has gentle as well as fierce forms. Shiva is the greatest of renouncers as well as the ideal lover. He destroyes evil and protects good. He bestows prosperity on worshipers although he is austere. He is omnipresent and resides in everyone as pure consciousness.

Shiva is inseparable from Shakti - Parvati the daughter of Himavaan - Haimavati. There is no Shiva without Shakti and no Shakti without Shiva, the two are one - or the absolute state of being - consciousness and bliss.

Singing: "Doo a didi didi dum didi day..."

Today the sunshine picked me up and held me in its arms and bathed me in this warm honey
glow that I can only fully explain to you, or myself as happiness... sheer unadulterated bliss!
The magic that is the small things around us, the briefest of moments setting the right frequency for our unique tunes...

Today I beat the drum, I found my rhythm again.. its been too long!
"and if I cant find my way back to me... let the sun fall down over me..."

Sometimes we forget how much of our own happiness is self manifested... only
you have the key to it... and then there's one more essential ingredient... the catalyst if you will...
the tiny trigger that sets the whole big beautiful extravaganza in motion...

Today on my run I found that trigger.. well the fact that I was running at all after my unfortunate health over the past 2months was reason enough... but then the sunset...
It was just... out of this world... salvation is here...!

And there I sat... on top of the world again, singing: "Doo a didi didi dum didi day..."

Post script: A good friend of mine told me that ducks actually know the frequency for the happiness tune off by heart... ;))

Queen of hearts....

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open.
With the grace of maturity, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on
today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And that you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn.