Journey of self discovery....

hmmm... the weekend is nigh... I can feel the madness welling up inside me... I love it! It starts up mid week, say about 3 o'clock Wednesday and continues to mount until there is no telling what could happen! I'm thinking about packing a little rucksack and running for the hills to save myself from myself! Well actually, to pull myself towards myself is probably more like it!

I seem to be stuck in this frantic social whirlwind at the moment! Its actually enough!
I don't think I've ever met so many new people in such a short space of time in my entire life to date! Its really exciting, but seriously draining too. Cause each time you meet, you connect and share, and leave a little of yourself with them... but eventually there will be none left and that's probably about the time you should seriously take up the offer of running as far away as possible!!! Like now... go Mia! Save yourself!!! ;)

Ha ha... no its not quite that bad really! I'm just doing a lot of things I've never even thought possible! Like throwing myself into the water in a wetsuit when its raining and I can barely feel my fingers anymore and then proceeding to have a cold shower afterwards to wash all the salt off- yeah that kind of thing! And with all of these weird and wonderful activities comes a new face, a new friend, a new challenge!

In a way I feel like I'm travelling, even though I'm standing still, I'm finding myself lost in translation with all of these familiar unfamiliar faces! Trading secrets with perfect strangers, and learning new things about myself everyday. Its intense I wont lie! But there's something addictive about it too. It pushes me to wade further and further into the unfamiliar waters surrounding me. To inch a little more away from the 'box' that is so safe to me.

"Trust me its paradise: This is were the hungry come to feed, for mine is a generation that circles the globe in search of something we haven't tried before. So never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never out stay your welcome. Just keep you're mind open and suck in the experience, and if it hurts you know what its probably worth it... You hope and you dream but you never believe that somethings gonna happen for you- not like it does in the movies, and when it actually does you expect it to feel different, more visceral, more real... I was waiting for it to hit me..."

"I still believe in paradise - but now at least I know its not some place you can look for, cause its not where you go, its how you feel for a moment in your life and if you find that moment, it'll last forever"

Grown ups, grow up, grown up! Growing... growing... gone!!!

When did we grow up?

Its a strange concept really, the day I no longer felt like a child anymore... hmmm... sometimes I don't think that day ever really came!
I mean we all have these tendencies, I could honestly imagine myself still being able to lie on the floor in a fit of tears and blind rage when I've been denied my candy bar- again!

Or when someone doesn't listen to you and you feel that hysteria welling up in your throat, and the room becomes a little too small for the both of you and all you can imagine satisfying you is grabbing that ruler and whacking them over the head with it!
OK that's a little extreme... I never did that - I promise!

But seriously, there is a definite transition, when all of a sudden you know better than to do that!
I felt it the other day, well it wasn't about doing something as ridiculous as making a public spectacle of myself... It was more about fear. I remember when I was younger, nothing seemed to be to daunting! I was game for everything! Climbing to the highest branches I could find, jumping off of rocks into the dark sea weeded sea, ramping over things with my roller blades or my bicycle... I wasn't scared of anything, I never thought of the danger or consequence of my actions. Fear just didn't seem to be an option.

For the first time in a long time, I got that little twinge of fear! Like something could actually seriously go wrong here! Something out of my control you know.

It started off at the beginning of last week, when I started my training to become an adventure guide for the summer.
We trekked up to the cable car road with our 4X4, bike racks and helmets in tow! And set off on the first of many trials to come!
Assembling ourselves we started off in single file ( me being the only girl of course!) It was a beautiful day: sunny, warm, windless - a Cape Town classic!
Rounding the bend we came to our first downhill leg of the trip, no sweat I thought, 'I know how to ride a bike!'

Well that's were I was horrible mistaken! Because just as we set off... that little nagging thing called fear kicked in, and I realized I'd gotten in a little too deep for my liking!
The trail was so steep, my bike had zero shock absorption, and the seat I was perched precariously on may as well have been made from solid rock!

Not a great first impression to come flailing wildly down the hill past all the boys like a deranged octopus on heat! Only to come to a stop by crashing into a hump an near up ending myself over the steering wheel straight into a giant mud pit! Class - is all I'm saying!

Next up was my sand boarding initiation in Atlantis. So naturally all the boys have, snow boarded, skate boarded, surfed- you know, done some form of something that affiliated them with our newly appropriated toy - the sand board, which later I discovered was actually a snow board: clips boots and all, that had been rescued and recycled form Tiffendale! Further adding to their advantage!

Anyway, as baptisms of fire go, this definately topped the list... Our guide marched us up to the 2nd highest dune in Atlantis and quite literally pushed us over the edge.... "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Splat!!!
Class!

You're body does everything it shouldn't do and it does it quite naturally, this being because instinctively you'll lean back to slow yourself down, but this will only send your board rocketing up in front of you, landing you on your already bicycle broken buttocks!!!
So effectively, already terrified at the sheer height of the slope you're attempting to casually slalom down, you now have every natural instinct in you're body actively working against you!

Now had I been 6years old again last week, non of this would have been a problem!
My agile little mind and body would have effortlessly, and without so much as a second thought conquered all of these outrageous quests I have signed myself up for.

The good news is, I have successfully managed to stand and turn on one entire run down the 2nd highest dune in Atlantis ( sorry I had to say it again people! it just sounds better!).
And I can now officially call myself a pseudo-ish mountain jockey! Class!

Princess Mia:
"When I grow up... I want to be a an adventure guide mummy! And I want to be better at it than all of the boys!"

Mummy:
"Anything else dear?"

Princess Mia:
"Yes, I want a pink my little pony for my birthday!" ;)

"Hi my name is Mia, its so good to meet you..."

I love meeting new people, it opens up this whole new world. One you would never have been allowed to pry into under any other circumstances.
Its an invitation to take a trip along someone else's time line, to be a part of their story.
Its a common thread that links us as individuals - we all share this ability to influence and change one another's lives.

We teach one another about ourselves: paint by numbers in a sense, joining the dots where our similarities and differences fill in the gaps that lie between us, washing over us, and converging in this warm acknowledgment of one's self in another's eyes. An un obscured, unbiased mirror.

To be able to laugh until you're cheeks ache with a complete stranger, sans inhibition, is one of the small gifts we so often brush off without the faintest idea of the tiny gem we've let slip through our fingers.

Familiarity in a voice or a gesture, features on our anatomy become part of one another's perceptions and memories, linking us in the subtlety of the unconscious daily motion we exude.

Our eyes and senses drink one another in with our first handshake. Already we've left small nuances behind without even being aware of it. And just like that we've forged a timeless bond. A bubble captured and stored - unique to that place and that moment we've shared. So accessible but too often so easily buried and forgotten...

"Hi my name is Mia, (I'll miss you and remember this day 10 years from now - or maybe I won't, I guess we'll just have to wait and see....) "

Monday's fun days!

hmmm.... Mondays - time to atone for the sins of the two day scrabble!

My most amusing part of the weekend is Sunday evening, about 2 min's before you close your eyes and surrender to that long awaited slumber... there is this moment of reckoning you have with yourself. It feels like a list of new years resolutions, only these are the mini more current version of what's hot or not. They are the one's you try hopelessly to cram into those 48 hours of "holiday" we have every week.

You would think most people have had a stressful enough week, why not try to unwind in your 48hrs of respite? But no, instead we accelerate the pace to the point of frenzy! Trying to eek every last drop of fun, stamina and oxygen we can muster from the tiny vacuum sealed 2/7ths of time we have! So that eventually when Sunday night rolls in, you have damn nearly suffocated yourself as well as everyone else you may or may not have come in contact with! Its a fantastically euphoric feeling to make it to those last 2 min's... I'd imagine a bit like surviving a triathlon- hell, maybe even winning it!

So now Monday has become about implementing all of those things you thought of just before you closed you're eyes! That new exercise regime, a stricter diet, less socialising, more "me" time, perhaps adopting a slightly more conservative demeanor, enjoying nature, quality rather than quantity... the list goes on and on, and every weekend it gets longer and more daunting!

Until today, today I came up with a new solution... Its an instant LC remedy and it comes in the fast efficient form of: a run, a swim in the ocean, a great breakfast, a long hot shower a gorgeous dress and a killer pair of heels to kick start my Monday, and send me rocketing through the week at 300kms/ph to Friday! Just so we can start all over again!

(OK naturally the dress and heels thing doesn't apply to everyone, adapt accordingly! - compliments of Princess Mia;)

Dress up box: For Babatana...

"Lets dress up!"

I open the jewellery box, fumbling for the key... there's a familiar chink chink as I decide to wind it up just for fun, a melody... so familiar yet so far removed transporting us into the moment.

Unlocking the thick stubborn lock. We pull open the the long forgotten musty trunk.
Why not? - lets lose ourselves in this world of glittery, shiny, Lacy fancifulness!
We reach, grabbing, pulling, dropping, layers and layers of a bygone era on the floor, a sea swelling around us enveloping us in a fantasy entirely of our own.

"Paint my eyes, I'll paint yours - no one will know who we are!"
I'm a fairy, you're a queen... We cover ourselves in costume jewellery and encrust our eyes in diamante's... gold, silver, ivy green, cobalt and umber and ultramarine...
The choices are endless and our imaginations run wild with the possibilities...

You are a wicked witch and I am snow white... I wrap myself in crisp lace and you swath yourself in velvet... we twirl and spin and prance around... I'm laughing now uncontrollably, so are you... We collapse in a fit of giggles simultaneously catching glances in the mirror of ourselves and then each other.

We are ridiculous and we are tired - what a wonderful afternoon of playful mischief. How carefree we are I think to myself as the last piece of chiffon and trim slips back into the trunk, I hope we'll stay like this. I never want to be too old for dress up!

Travel bug...

There is something to be said about immersing yourself in a foreign culture.
In a place where nothing and no one makes sense to you, and yet it all just feels so right.

The sights and smells and sounds, the hustle bustle of daily life that carries on around you, oblivious to your candid intrusion. You're momentarily awkward eye, following their every move. Questioning the similarities and differences you may share.

There is a piece of you that craves whole heartedly to be a part of it, that's the piece you take home with you. The one that keeps the desire alive, that keeps you searching curiously - yet never fully quenching you're thirst for more.
The piece you leave behind is the you, you came with. In the hopes that perhaps you have given them a taste of yourself, and left a small but sizeable impression.

Enough so that one day your paths may cross again in that place that you call home, so that they too may share the same experience.

Realising the dream!?!

Is it possible to fall in love with an inanimate object? A house? To fall in love with a house?
Well that's exactly what happened to me one day... strange - yes, but true - yes.

OK well its not as deranged as it sounds, I think I fell in love more with the idea of the whole thing: The house on the hill idea.
It was rather timeous for it to appear to me just then - as simultaneously my own "house" seemed to be built on sand and rapidly shifting itself into the great big blue. And oh how I would have done a deal with the devil, just to have the house on the hill instead.

Its a strange thing when things come undone at the seams and everything falls through the cracks leaving almost nothing to carry on with, but you do anyway - its human instinct to hang on for dear life, until something or someone gives you a hand up.

On those blackest days my dad and I used to drive up to the top of Arcadia drive in Fresnaye, I don't know what it was - but somehow the air was cleaner and crisper up there, the sun was warmer, Cape Town felt like oceans away.
And there we would sit, so high above everyone just staring down on the city- putting our tiny lives and problems into perspective with the greater picture. Allowing us to momentarily numb the dull thud coursing through our veins, and replace it with an energy so rich and pure and hopeful that anything seemed possible.

It was on one of those days that I first saw my house... it appeared to me like a gigantic gleaming symbol of everything I longed for. Somehow it embodied my entire future within its walls and the floating chasms of the eternal circular pool... Even though I could never go inside, it comforted me immensely just to know it was there, and I could be close to it.

Just knowing the dream was alive. And attaining it was all in my hands. It gave me such a sense of calm and control in a world that had just been turned upside down.
It was my ivory tower, my fort, my haven in the eye of the storm.
And I clung to the idea of it with everything I had.

I still go to that house today, whenever I need clarity. Whenever I feel as if I have nowhere to run, and no one to run to. And its still there waiting for me, for the day I walk through the front door and realise the dream.

And I'll be home. Wherever that is.

There are few things on earth I appreciate more than sunset or sunrise, well other than love friendship, family and all the rest of the usual suspects! It just amazes me how consistently beautiful and unique each and everyone I see is.

I thought about this a lot a while back and decided I would go to the same place each evening and take a photograph of of every sunset I saw, just to capture the subtle or dramatic differences between them for myself: take a picture right - it last longer! But it does - it was incredible! All the different shades and hues the sky turned around this daily natural phenomenon. If I could paint a picture I'd never have enough colours in my paint box to mimic what I'd captured on film. I think that's the beauty of it, that you cant, and in every setting it encompasses all the colours of the rainbow - and then some!

They say if you squint your eyes just as the first light pops out above the horizon there is a green flash, I've never seen it but my dad swears he has! I'm bemused by this notion and so most mornings I sit alone or in good company- warming my hands on a hot cup of earl grey or just humming along to my i-pod in lotus position. I sit and I wait... right up until its fully exposed... but I'm yet to see the mysterious green flash!

This morning was one of those days. It is a rare occasion I manage to get up before my alarm clock summons me to my trainers, let alone beating the tar mac before the sun has licked its way ahead of me. I finished up and assumed my position on the rocks that jut out to sea between Camps Bay and Glen beach. This is one of my favourite places in Cape Town, somehow I feel as though I am part of the elements that make up the picture I am looking at when I sit here.

So I sat and I waited... listening, breathing in the surrounds... poised... suspenseful... here it goes... POP!...
No flash! hmmmm!

Well I guess the good news is - this just gives me that added pinch of encouragement to get up tomorrow and try again!

Those days!

There are days when I could honestly choose from over a hundred different outfits in my cupboard to wear, when there are endless possibilities and a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow- and I'm the one who gets there first every time!

And then sometimes, I don't know what it is... bad shrimp? too much caffeine before bedtime ("they" say milk gives you nightmares if you have a little too much before you go to sleep... hmmm!) this lurky flu I cant quite seem to shake off, or just some giant galumphing hang up you have about the granny who lives next door... the one who revs incessantly to get up the hill, just while you're savouring those last few precious dreamy minutes of slumber, yes the one's that determine the sunshine, happiness and candy factor for your entire day!!!
So what started out as a relatively guilt free, healthy week has now turned into an avalanche of endorphin chasing chocolate cravings and bad smoothie choices at the the salad bar!

I can unfortunately see that this is going to be one of those days, and as I feel myself powerlessly trudging into it, I have taken some time out to write this in the hopes that maybe- even if its a long shot- I'll somehow jolt myself from the arms of Morpheus and turn this whole thing around...even just post my caffeine slump at around 4ish!
At which time the greater part of today will have evaporated in some falsely elated mist of whatever frivolous activity I have chosen to embalm myself in!

I can then go about throwing myself head long into a 3hr unwinding ceremony in preparation for my much awaited Kundalini class.
Easing my way through the next hour and a half under my yogi's gracefully poised eye until about 8 thirty, when finally I can come back home, kick off my shoes, draw myself a bubble bath (candle lit of course!), pick out my fluffy robe and slippers and boil the kettle for a hot mug of chai... and I guess the rest is history... until tomorrow that is!

Well actually, as the congressman in Batman says, with a flip of a double headed coin and a wink of the eye: " I make my own luck!" ... hmmm yes, I think I too shall greet each day with this exciting new prospect!

I see what you see

The all seeing eye... she knows you know she knows!