Realising the dream!?!

Is it possible to fall in love with an inanimate object? A house? To fall in love with a house?
Well that's exactly what happened to me one day... strange - yes, but true - yes.

OK well its not as deranged as it sounds, I think I fell in love more with the idea of the whole thing: The house on the hill idea.
It was rather timeous for it to appear to me just then - as simultaneously my own "house" seemed to be built on sand and rapidly shifting itself into the great big blue. And oh how I would have done a deal with the devil, just to have the house on the hill instead.

Its a strange thing when things come undone at the seams and everything falls through the cracks leaving almost nothing to carry on with, but you do anyway - its human instinct to hang on for dear life, until something or someone gives you a hand up.

On those blackest days my dad and I used to drive up to the top of Arcadia drive in Fresnaye, I don't know what it was - but somehow the air was cleaner and crisper up there, the sun was warmer, Cape Town felt like oceans away.
And there we would sit, so high above everyone just staring down on the city- putting our tiny lives and problems into perspective with the greater picture. Allowing us to momentarily numb the dull thud coursing through our veins, and replace it with an energy so rich and pure and hopeful that anything seemed possible.

It was on one of those days that I first saw my house... it appeared to me like a gigantic gleaming symbol of everything I longed for. Somehow it embodied my entire future within its walls and the floating chasms of the eternal circular pool... Even though I could never go inside, it comforted me immensely just to know it was there, and I could be close to it.

Just knowing the dream was alive. And attaining it was all in my hands. It gave me such a sense of calm and control in a world that had just been turned upside down.
It was my ivory tower, my fort, my haven in the eye of the storm.
And I clung to the idea of it with everything I had.

I still go to that house today, whenever I need clarity. Whenever I feel as if I have nowhere to run, and no one to run to. And its still there waiting for me, for the day I walk through the front door and realise the dream.

And I'll be home. Wherever that is.