For my friend.

"There is a darkness deep in you,
A frightening magic I cling to,
Give me a chance to hold on,
give me a chance to hold on...
just give me something to hold on to."

Sometimes the thing we crave the most just isn't there when we really need it to be.
And its never something you can put your finger on,
Or say out loud, or ask for...
It not even tangible enough to look for...

Who's to say that when we find it we're even going to know what to do with it,
And after all is said and done... are we are even going to want it in the end?

Happiness oh jaded virtue, why are you so evasive to the best of us, at times?

Its a fine balance of give an take in this life and occasionally nature or the universe
throws this back in our faces,
Even when we've been on our best behaviour.

The art of living and our own self preservation is in the gracefulness we maintain when we fall down.
The truth and the antidote lie in our own actions and reactions.

We hold the power and the understanding to turn everything around.
This is our gift.

Happiness is a by line.
We are an absolution.
Hold on.

And smile, cause everything is going to be alright.

Take that mr. President!!!!

Nothing like a good old spot of bad energy to throw your mercury into retrograde!

Now at the risk of sounding trite let me cut straight to the chase!
A little while ago I was blabbing on about how I actually thrive off of people telling me I "cant" do something! But at the same token, today something really gratifying happened to me but it took a rather unpleasant realisation for it to kick start the engine...

I've been bumping into my friend frequently over the past few weeks, and every time we see one another we get into this seriously in depth discussion over how we are going to renovate and re decorate his apartment. This, however, is usually over a few glasses of wine, by which time we begin deliberating over multi levelled floor planes and and fantastically positioned light detailing! All of which you seldom actually ever expect to see come to fruition!

So I had a really crap wake up call on Monday, one that makes your stomach flip over. And you're knees go weak! Cause I suddenly found myself 2yrs out of studying, 6months out of permanent job matching studying description. And none the wiser about were I am actually heading. And better yet I'm having this all so conveniently pointed out to me by my ever increasingly successful sibling!

I spent the day feeling really sorry for myself and cursing the fact that I'm 22 and so utterly useless... how could this possibly happen to me of all people! And then on cue... just as I'm about to sink into the depths of my own unproductive self pity... the phone rings... its my friend, calling to confirm our long overdue design meeting!

So there I go pottering off to his house expecting some kind of curtain alteration, perhaps a few scatter cushions and a rug?? Well you can imagine my surprise, and delight when he practically hands me the keys to his apartment and says: "OK Missy lets make this happen!". We sat there for 2 hours going over every square inch of that place and coming up with the most incredible ideas to bring his dream house alive!

That's all it took: One person to believe in me and open the door for me! And I'll make the earth move for them! What a great feeling! I'm addicted! I cant wait to see it all coming to life!
As much as I loved being challenged by the whole "you cant do that thing", I think this is even more challenging because somebody is putting their trust and their confidence in my ability to do this! So I get a double prize at the end, my success and their happiness!

Post script: I can't stop smiling ;)